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Blog
Missing skills to reach one’s goals
I have heard many people telling me their goals of what they wish to do, especially at the beginning of the year. Sometimes 5 to 10 years later, I hear them saying the same goals – whether it is making more money, or losing weight or having better relationships, etc. After 30 years of coaching business owners and executives, I found that how to CARRY OUT the actions to reach the goals is a skill in itself to be learned! For e.g., many people like to have relationships that last. But only the minority make it. Up to 80% of businesses in the US fail in the first 3 years. Yet, we have no shortage of knowledge – in fact there is such an abundance of knowledge on how to succeed in all fields available in this digital age! So where does the problem lie? I created this leadership seminar to help business owners and executives to find the missing gaps in their steps to reach their income and leadership goals: http://consultanthellenchen.com/winning-leadership-seminar I do believe in the power of goal-setting, and having a clear vision of what we want in life. However, one also needs to DO the correct steps to reach those goals. And what are the correct steps for another person, may not be the right ones for you! Doing nothing or doing a lot (with someone else's steps which do not fit you) all lead to the same result: failed goals. Hellen Chen PS: If you are not sure if this seminar is for you, or simply like to know more how it may relate to your career or business goals, I suggest you to call and talk to my team. Our phone number: (800) 912-0510 Link to the seminar page:...
Read MoreIn Marriage, the Fun Comes with Your Dedication
If you want to play the game of marriage well, you have to assess how much participation you wish to put in, how much attention you pay and the degree of your care. How can you get any great pleasure without active engagement? It is like playing on a basketball team. A player who cares for the team will put all his effort into training because he’s serious about competition and cares about everything related to the team. He treasures his uniform and make sure to show up on time for practices. It is all about being dedicated and taking it to heart. If you give your full efforts and are serious, you can then play it for the best enjoyment, enjoying the highest collaboration with the team. In contrast, some people, though on a basketball team, do not care much about playing or practicing. Something else is always on their mind. It is imaginable that their performance will be affected. The relationship between team members are the same way. If everyone is equally dedicated, and they all like playing the game, then the game will be fun and high spirited. On the contrary, if some players love playing the game, while others do not, unhappiness in the team will ensue. Just by looking at the field of playing sports, we can see the big differences between attitude and result. You can choose what you want. If you do not wish to participate that much, it is only natural that you do not get much rewards back. To be a good player in the game of marriage, you need to be well- equipped, apart from your level of commitment. Happiness is not based on luck. Instead, it is based on continuous practice and hard work, constantly ‘doing’ until it materializes. A happy marriage requires a great deal of interest and commitment from one’s part, and lots of management. Serious problems occur in a marriage not because of ‘marriage’ itself. It is because those who are involved do not value enough, do not understand, or do not concentrate on this aspect of life. For example, if you only like to work and are not willing to spend time managing your marriage, then the rate of failure is of course very high. The key to marriage management is your ability, which can be acquired through learning. Many people have acquired this ability at my Love Seminar events. No matter what is your goal for your relationships or marriage, the success of it fully depends on whether you are serious and whether you will work hard to develop that “love ability” – it is all boiling down to one’s decision to do so or not. I will be holding my Love Seminar in Los Angeles on September 29. Looking forward to see all of you in LA. Hellen Chen Relationship Consultant...
Read MoreHellen Chen’s Love Seminar
Do you dream about having a fairy-tale love story? What if you could make it come true? You can create and live the most beautiful love story you can ever imagine!! Hellen Chen's Love Seminar will be held in Los Angeles: http://smarturl.it/LA_love_seminar Hellen Chen Relationship Consultant...
Read MoreLasting love is not achieved by flowers, diamonds or having a house
Many people would admit that lasting love is not achieved by flowers, diamonds or having a house. Yet, men and women commit the same mistakes of trying to keep a relationship lasting by...yes, putting their attention on flowers, diamonds or any materialistic items such as money! Love is achieved by constantly teasing and flirting with each other and creating the loving romantic feeling. When a wife comes home, the act of a husband walking up to his wife to give her a hug would show his sweetness much better than if he would buy her anything she wants and yet never really talks to her. Similarly, when a husband comes home, if a wife stands up and welcome her husband. This will make the husband very happy! Yes, he will feel much happier than the wife being simply “too busy” to even greet the husband. But if the husband comes home and the wife has a stiff face and she says in a rough voice, “So you are back! Hungry??” The husband will forget that he is hungry and when he looks at his wife’s face, he will think, “This looks dangerous. I better go somewhere else!” So in the world of love, it is very important to learn how to make another person comfortable and at the same time, be comfortable yourself. This is an art which I teach at my Love Seminar. We have seen many husbands afraid of wives -- typical henpecked husbands. Poor guys. They work hard, make money, they are competent and handsome. But they are very much afraid of their wives. They say, “My wife won’t allow me.” “I can’t. My wife will get mad.” Of course, there are different types of fear. If the fear creates so much pressure and so much discomfort, there will be marital problems that get worse. The lesson to take away is, are you aware of how comfortable you make another person feel, or are you so insensitive that your loved ones are simply tolerating you or too afraid of you? What kinds of feelings do you create for another when you are with someone? Some people assume that because they have gotten along well with their co-workers and clients in their professional field, they would have no problem with their spouses and family members. Many managers, execs, CEOs who have attended my Love Seminar, and with surprise discovered their lack of handling skills in areas of communication whenever love matters are concerned. Love is an ABILITY. Love is not achieved by luck or your money. I will be holding my 18th Love Seminar in Los Angeles. Looking forward to see all of you in LA. Hellen Chen Relationship Consultant...
Read More17th Los Angeles Love Seminar Success Stories
I had such a great time at my 17th Love Seminar event in Los Angeles today!! Romance, lasting love relationships are all possible! My husband and I have been married for close to 30 years and we fall more in love with each other year after year. Having taught many couples and singles how to create the beautiful love story they have wanted, and having helped many couples to walk down the aisle, and to stay happily together, I know true love is indeed something ANYONE can experience -- no matter age, race, culture! Reading through the feedback and success stories shared from the Love Seminar attendees really made me very happy. One can indeed create love and passion and happiness. It really starts from ourselves! Here are some great successes from my students: "We do all wrong in all modern society. So the right thing is to marry and then build the relationship starting from that very strong basic foundation. If you date or hesistate, you'll get nothing." -- S. Marie "I understand the importance of happiness that originate from me, versus wanting others to make me happy. The passion of life is created by myself!" --S. C. "It is impossible to have romance or have the "in-love" feeling when I cannot even be happy with myself. When I am with my husband, the love sparks get less and less. When I cannot create happiness for myself, I can never create happiness for another." --A. C. "During the seminar, I found the exact reason why I had failed with a past girl that I had loved. Just this understanding alone frees me up to create even more now. I now know more about myself!" --S.C. "If I want love and romance from my wife, it starts from my actions to create love. I see how little I have given, and yet expect a lot. Thanks Hellen, this is a big lesson for me." --Z.W. "How would I know if the person in front of me is the "right" one? I was consumed with looking at the faults of another to the point that I missed the faults in myself, and also missed my ultimate goal, to have a relationship that last, not money, nor status, nor other materialistic criteria. I now know how to find my "right partner'." --Z. H. For my next Los Angeles Love Seminar, go...
Read MoreHellen Chen Interview on VoiceAmerica Radio
Part 2 is here! Bestselling author and relationship expert, Hellen Chen appeared again on the VoiceAmerica radio show "Transformation for Success" on Tuesday, September 12, 2017, at 12 PM Pacific Standard Time. Host Dr. Barbara Young talked with Ms. Chen about a range of topics, including the fear of meeting the "wrong person", and what men and women want out of relationships. Hellen also shared about concepts in her Matchmaker of the Century book: dating after marriage. Check out PART 2 of the interview right here: Listen to PART 1 of the interview here: Details of Hellen Chen's Love Seminar in Los Angeles can be found...
Read More“Date after marriage, not before.”
I emphasize “date after marriage, not before.” When one is just dating with someone, the issues faced will never be the major issues faced by a married couple. The most important point of marriage is to find a person first, then you can create love together with that person -- for the rest of your life. Before you build a house, you need a piece of land. How the land looks is not important. The most important point is to find the land first before you can build a house. If you first fantasize on how your house should look, how the decor should be, it is not practical thinking. You don’t even have land! Once you have land, you can build it any way you want – how fancy the design is, how elegant the decor is – all up to you! If you have land, you are not worried about having an ugly house. You will build it the way you like it. If the house is ugly, then it is your own doing! This is what I mean by the principle of “staking out your land.” As to how to fight for this land, how to win it, what kinds of ways to get it, how to get the contract... this is the time to flaunt your talents! If you cannot get the contract, who would know how talented you really are? Isn’t the sequence to get the contract first, then work on the “how-to” in executing the project? Many people have lots of good ideas about a project, but they cannot even come near to getting a client’s contract. There is an old Chinese saying: first form a family, establish your career after. The modern individuals often do it the opposite way. They think they must have financial stability before marriage – they have been taught incorrectly on this point. Does that mean a person who has financial stability will never get divorced? Does that mean a person who doesn’t have financial stability could never get married? All these are not correct. The principle is simple. If one person can survive on their own, then two persons will not be a problem! After marriage, one will increase one’s responsibility level, especially after giving birth to kids. One has more willingness to produce. You have your own place to take care of. You may need the income of you and your spouse to make it. But that is taking responsibility in life and it is more interesting and a lot more constructive. Marriage has nothing to do with smartness. It is a matter of willingness. The decision to get married will make you improve. After marriage, you are forced to move forward in life, and having children will force you to move forward as well. For survival sake, you have no choice but to become competent and able. Marriage is all about staking out a path. This path is a very long journey traveled by 2 persons. Don’t think critically about your spouse and how he or she is not a match –even the most matched couples will fight. Do not mind how the man may be somewhat dull in some areas or the woman is not the ideal person one is looking for. So don’t criticize another person. Think about 10, 20 years later, does that person have the potential to travel on this road with you? That is the main point you should look at. When I look at a person, I never look at his appearance or what his salary is. I look at his potential. Is his goal the same as mine: willing to improve and grow? You have to ask yourself what kind of life you would like to live 10, 20 years from now? And thus nourish the relationship with your partner to get to where you wish to go! If you want to know how to find the right...
Read MoreHow To Play A Woman’s Role Well?
I have talked about the role of man and woman in a relationship and how to fulfill their roles. In this article, I will highlight the woman’s role. For last 10 years, I have conducted a Bride Training Class to specifically teach women how to assume the role of a woman well and how to manage their relationships as wives. (Similarly, if you are a man, you can take part in the Groom Training Class.) Some of what I teach starts with core principles. For instance, how to be attractive. You would be surprised how many women were not even familiar and at ease with their body. They did not know how to apply makeup and did not know how to dress up to make themselves attractive. To be a woman is actually not easy. This is the reason why problems occur continuously between the two sexes: women frequently have a hard time to play their role well. The women of today are very strong, competent and have a high level of education. Their ability to fight back is often ten times stronger than men. They speak fast, think fast, react fast, and act fast. They are also highly sensitive. However, in a relationship, these qualities will drive a man crazy. This is another reason why love can suffer. I am not here to tell women that they must suppress themselves and hold back. Understand the purpose of having a relationship: when men and women are together, there is no reason for either one to try to show who is better than the other. In a relationship, men are not doing business transactions with women. Man and woman are not together because of needing to sign business contracts where one side may want the upper hand. When women are at work, they certainly can be strong and able, just like a “superwoman.” But one has to know how to change your role between work and love. ( I teach this extensively at my Love Seminar) And don’t misunderstand this point. Women do not need to behave like a weak and helpless person at home either. And women do not have to show off anything or try to impress someone – they can just simply be adorable and be themselves! If you do these well as a woman, you will literally charm everyone around you! My book “Hellen Chen’s Love Seminar” covers how to play the role of man and woman to make a relationship working. Hellen Chen Bestselling Author Hellen Chen’s Love Seminar...
Read MoreDubai: What a spectacular city!
Dubai: What a spectacular city! A brand new culture of its own. A new style of living. It is a wonderful world of never-ending possibilities! Inspirational and emotional! Great!!!!!!! I am happy to join the action and experience in this new world! :))))))) ...
Read MoreGood morning Mumbai!
Goo d morning Mumbai! :)) 早安孟買！ 🙂 When I know you, 我認識你時， You're still called Bombay. 那時的你還是叫Bombay。 Now you grow up and shine as Mumbai! 現在的你發展成為閃亮的 Mumbai !! Hi Mumbai, 嗨孟買， I have left pieces of my heart here, with you! :)) 曾經我留下部分的心在這裏，跟著你！ :)) This time I want to put it in the right place. 這一次，我要把他好好地放在對的地方。 So nice to see you again! 很高興再次見到你！ It touches me so much when I see you from the sky. 當我從天空看到你時，我是多麼的感動！ Love is in the air; 愛充滿在空中 My heart beats with excitement! 我的心興奮地跳動著！ Hi Mumbai, 嗨孟買， So nice to share my life with you. 多麼的美好，可以與你分享我的生活。 This time we have an even better time... 這一次，我們有一個更美好的時光... I will leave my heart here anyway! 我會把我的心再次留在這裏！ I love you -- no matter if you are called Bombay or Mumbai! :))))))) 我愛你，無論你的名字是Bombay或Mumbai ！ :))))) ...
Read MoreFor the good of someone you love
I know of a man who has a nice temperament and is very courteous. One time during social dancing, someone accidentally bumped into his partner at the dance floor. He stopped abruptly and gave the offender a hard slap! After he did that, he instantly “woke up” and apologized profusely. His behavior shocked everyone around him. When someone hurt his partner, the degree to which he would go crazy over it is something you would never witness under normal circumstances. He would rather get hurt than seeing his loved one be hurt. This has been my experience with many married couples. I often witness husbands and wives making sacrifices for the betterment of their other halves. Sometimes, those actions are not recognized by their partners -- for years Even worse, some of those actions may not be what their spouse wants. Yet they keep on doing it -- thinking that these actions were done out of love and thus their spouse "should know" about their good intentions. For example, a husband thinks that if he works long hours to make money, that means love. A wife may think that she is being a responsible wife by putting all her attention on kids, neglecting everything else. This is another major reason why I chose to lecture non-stop to men and women around the world about how to build and create a lasting relationship. Do you know what your spouse actually want? Do you know what you want? Loving and receiving love are abilities that could definitely be learned! I am excited that I will be seeing some of you at the love seminar event on Oct 24-25. Here are the details: For married individuals: How to Use the Strength of Marriage to Improve Your Career, Prosperity and Health? For singles ( or non-married): How to Be Smarter in Knowing Who is the Right Partner Without Another Disappointment? To unlimited satisfaction in love, Hellen...
Read MoreIs Modern Dating a Waste of Time?
Modern dating has become a “revolving-door” situation where men and women change partners so often that in the end, they still could not find out who they should marry. I have spoken about not going through an endless dating game for singles but to practice “date after marriage.” That means, don’t waste your time to date for a long period of time, but to settle down with a partner that has the same marital goals as you. And work hard to keep up the romance after marriage. Taking Care of Another Person’s Future Spouse Most singles who are dating spent tremendous time and money to keep up the romantic actions to court a person. Guys like to shower the ladies with gifts and dinners. They went to pick up their girlfriends from work or accompany them to go shopping. Yet, if there is no marriage commitment in place, this dating has a high chance of breakup. All the money and time spent on this potential marital partner is wasted because comes next Valentine’s Day or birthday or Christmas, this person will no longer be in your life. I also termed this as “taking care of someone else’s wife.” Ladies have committed the same mistakes. Some ladies like to go to a guy’s place to help clean up his house or cook for them. Or they thought if they have a lot of sex, it would make the guy happy. But without a marriage commitment, these dating actions are in the same category of taking care of someone else’s husband. There are still only 2 ways dating relationships can go: A) It leads to marriage.or B) It ends in breakups. Sadly, I see most dating relationships — 85% or more — end in breakups. It does not matter how many years it takes in between, these 2 ways still have to happen eventually: marriage or breakup. Longer Dating Time Means Knowing a Person Better? Some singles have told me that they need time to know a person well — they like to be certain that this is the right person to marry. They would literally spend months and months and years and years to “get to know” someone. The truth is, people change over time. You change. Your partner will change. This change can come from various life’s instances: setbacks, successes, and many unknown factors not in your control nor prediction. We have known marriages to break up even after 10 or 20 years. So should someone wait 10 or 20 years to date the same person to really make sure the person is the right one? Unfortunately, the attitude of “can’t fail” is already a failure in itself. Let’s look back at our grandparents and their grandparents. Was dating such a long drawn-out complex activity for them? Was there an equivalent of an internet where one can do research on someone’s background before going on a date? The dating time has increased tremendously since the 1960s and dating has become more complex with the huge array of services and online tools yet divorce rates are going up the roof in modern times. In fact, here is more likely what is happening: the more a person try to “check out” a person, the more cautious and untrusting he or she gets with the relationship. “Is this new person going to break my heart as the last one?” will be the question that one carries forwards — unfairly or not — to the new partner. A person who gets his or her heart broken one too many times would have also developed a skill: looking at the faults of another with a magnifying glass. After a few failures, they now know one thing with strong conviction: there are no good men or women out there who are good enough for them. I don’t blame them. Few people can be as trusting as they like in their relationships after accumulating a few battle scars. But when such distrust carries forward into a real marriage, then the price to pay is often too high. How do I know WHO is the right one? Maybe this question of “How do I know WHO is the right one?” is not as important as this question: “Do I have...
Read MoreA Love Conversation With My Husband
My husband and I don't always see each other as we both have jobs that take us to different parts of the world. Email and texts become our regular way of communication. Frequently, our conversation would be so touching I would cry. Below is a small thread of our recent conversation and what my husband wrote touches me so much! :))))) I am not only confident in me, but also super confident in YOU !!!! Love you, Fushing Reply: Thanks! And thanks for marrying me! Love, Taitai Super happy woman Liebling Sweetie, I love it that you love me. I love it that you believe in me. I love it that you trust me. I love it that you help me so so so much. But most of all I love that you are happy with your life:))) That you are happy with your work! That you love your ( our ) kids :))))) Honey, you could not be more perfect - not for me and not for the whole wide world!!!!! Sorry, when I am sometimes NOT able to talk to talk to you nicely, and instead criticize you :(( My criticizing is only my inability to communicate correctly - because I DO not have any reason to criticize you !! None whatsoever !!! Love you , Your forever "not forgetting you"...
Read MoreMarriage Expert Says Most People Missed the Vital Lessons to Make A Marriage Last — From High School
Bestselling author Hellen Chen talks about the vital love lessons that are needed to make the relationship last day after day, year after year. Chen will be holding a seminar soon in Los Angeles and Taiwan. Last month at the Hilton Hotel in Los Angeles, matchmaker extraordinaire Hellen Chen talked to singles and married couples who had arrived for her love seminar about how to find the right match and how to keep the relationship fresh as the very first day. Bestselling author Chen was given the title of "The Matchmaker of the Century" by the couples she has helped because unlike conventional matchmakers, she would specially approach skeptical men and women who have resisted the idea of marriage or have given up on marriage. This year, the marriage rate in America is continuing its downward slide, with an all-time low in the number of American women getting married. According to the Census Bureau, for every 2-3 US marriages, there is a divorce. "Most people think about 'what went wrong' only after they have hit a brick wall in their marriages. But the problem starts way earlier," said Chen. Indeed, Chen talked about the trend of parents spoiling their children when they are young -- giving in to their every need. And as the children grew up, when their future spouse or partner refused to 'spoil' them the way their parents had, they would give up the relationship easily. Chen also talked about the missing love lessons which many young people have not learned as early as high school. Academic achievements and career achievements have been the focus of most education curriculum. The subtle art of interacting with the opposite sex becomes something a child has to figure out by himself. When he steps into the working world, he usually has "no time" to learn lessons beyond his job requirements. When one becomes older, those "love lessons" unfortunately do not automatically become acquired knowledge. "Usually, people learn negative lessons about relationships. They might have a couple of dating failures but the more they date, the more negative they would become. They know what is 'bad' about relationships but they never learn how to make it good." said Chen. Chen encourages parents to help their children learn about relationships in healthy ways when they are young, and not delay such education until a later time -- which usually never comes about as career pressure forces men and women to place more emphasis on other types of skills. A father of three came to Chen's seminar on Saturday with two of his teenage sons. After the seminar, Kamran said, "My sons enjoyed the seminar. I am happy they came to learn these lessons at their age. For myself who has been married for close to 20 years, I learned how to make my marriage deeper and better." Chen compares the learning of marriage principles to learning a new sport or practicing a new skill. "We do not expect to know how to drive a car well without having taken some driving lessons and have practiced driving. It does not matter how great of a car or how easy the road is. We still need to practice. Why would someone expect to have a perfect lasting relationship without knowing how to be a good wife or husband?" said Chen. "We have not planned to fail in relationships. But most of us have failed to plan how to make the relationship last day after day, year after year." Chen told the audience. Chen will be holding her next seminar on May 23 in Los Angeles and then will head to Taiwan for an event on June 6. Chen’s work has been featured in over 200 media publications in 18...
Read More…the most important decision you have made
Bill Gates did a TV interview in China where the host asked him: what was the smartest decision he has made in his life? Was it creating Microsoft or engaging in philanthropic endeavors? He said none of the above. He said the smartest decision he has made is to marry his wife. Warren Buffet has made a very similar comment that marrying his wife is the best thing he has done. I have worked with top CEOs around the world and as their management consultant, I have helped them to increase their bottom line in their businesses. Yet, when I asked about their personal wishes especially after they have made more money, they would say things like, "I wish I can experience a deeper love" and "I wish I can get along better with my children." I have seen many working adults putting aside love and marriage, because they are "too busy" pursuing a career. As some get closer to retirement, they feel something has been left out of their life. There is no right and wrong "rule." I don't believe that perfection and "having it all" and "keeping up with obligations and responsibilities" are the items all of us must pursue. However, a very important question I believe one can ask will be: am I truly satisfied? I will talk about how to obtain satisfaction in love in my upcoming seminars: Love Seminar in Los Angeles May 23 Love Seminar in Taiwan June...
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