How I became a friend to myself

My best friend attempted suicide and later would never talk to me again.

She was my best friend in college.  We studied together, played together and spent lots of time at each other’s place.

Sometimes my mom and brother would even mistaken her for me. We were so close like sisters.

One day, she told me she wanted to kill herself.

I panicked. And tried to talked her out of it.

She kept talking about it and this type of suicide talk lasted for one to two years, and she never gave up talking about suicide.

I was exhausted.

I had my share of problems in my life at that time and I started to ignore what she said. I told myself, “It’s crazy talk” and I should leave it as that.

One day, her mom rushed to my place and told me, she attempted suicide and was sent to the hospital.

Before that day, my friend had already told me how she had planned her suicide — how she would check into a hotel, with a bottle of liquor and sleeping pills, and how she would instruct the hotel staff not to interrupt her while she can take her own life.

I did not pay attention — I had listened to her talking about suicide for thousands of times!

She did not die. The hospital staff revived her.

But after that, she totally changed. Her personality changed and when I would visit her, she became very cold.

One day, she said, “Let’s stop seeing each other” and I would never talk to or see her ever again.

I was devastated. I only thought about the things I could have done to help her. And in my mind, I kept thinking “I did not do enough.”  I kept thinking that maybe she expected me to stop her or expected me to help her get out of her pain, and that I had failed completely.

I felt guilty and remorseful I had let this happened. I have lost one of my very best friends in life.

This grief stayed with me for many years.

As I study, learn and help myself continuously, I finally understand the mistakes I have made in this relationship.

In addition to recognizing how much more I could contribute to this relationship, I realize a bigger truth: I was not honest.

I did not tell her I could not stand her suicide talk, and that I had no energy left to keep on trying to stop her and I had no inclination to live a pessimistic life with her.

If she had known about my true feelings in the beginning, she would not have hated me for not stopping her suicide.

I still feel sad to lose her as a friend. But through this incident, I have at least helped myself as a friend!

I see this in marriages and I see this in familial relationships.

We think that it is better to “lie” because of not wanting to hurt our loved ones.  But we live with untruths — and we betray our own feelings.

We feel regretful and remorseful for not giving enough. We have neglected others.

Yet, the biggest neglect usually is towards ourselves.

When I created the Love Seminar, I have wanted to teach men and women to experience a richer relationship with their loved ones.

But there is one more reason why I design it. That is, I wish to teach an individual how to be the best friend to himself or herself.

Your spouse or friend or partner or parents or a bigger salary or a bigger house cannot take away the wounds and pain you have experienced in your life.

This is also why changing a partner as in a divorce does not always solve the problem.

There is only one person who can dissolve the pain: YOU.

And it starts by willing to become the best supporter, the best friend you can be — towards yourself!

The journey of non-stop self-improvement is the very best journey I have embarked on, and the very best thing I have helped myself with.

I wish to invite you to embark on this journey.

My love seminar event will be taking place at the following cities and countries:

Love Seminar Los Angeles May 23 2015 

Love Seminar Taipei June 6 2015

Chen and Friend

 

 

 

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